Let Me See Redemption Win

I’ve had a playlist full of songs that I really enjoy since about the second week of June. One of those songs is “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North. Like most of the songs on said playlist, this song seems to be pretty powerful to me, and has really been grabbing my attention lately.

I’m tired

I’m worn

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes

To keep on breathing

I’ve made mistakes

I’ve let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

‘Cause I’m worn

I know I need

To lift my eyes up

But I’m too weak

Life just won’t let up

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

‘Cause I’m worn

And my prayers are wearing thin

I’m worn even before the day begins

I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight

I’m worn so heaven come in, flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

Let me know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Yes all that’s dead inside can be reborn

Though I’m worn

Yeah I’m worn

It’s a pretty powerful song to me, especially at this time in my life when I feel as though nothing is going right, that nothing really has for a while. I’m tired-physically, mentally, spiritually. Definitely worn spiritually. My heart is definitely heavy…I feel as though the world is pressing down on me relentlessly. So I find myself crying out to God, asking to see his redemption win out over my sin. To win out over my struggles, to see those struggles cease. With new things happening, either in my own life or in my friends’ lives, I constantly find myself with a heart breaking for the people of this world.

But I know there’s praise that can come from it all. I still might feel completely dead inside, but God refines through the fire, and from the ashes of my old life of yesterday rises today the new life I have in Him.

And, guys, things are starting to begin anew. I got an email in the past 24 hours saying I have a place to live that is not my house of 21.5 years for the coming school year! And my parents seem open to helping me pay for the rent…more than that, I have this strange hope that a job will soon be coming my way! My song is currently one of hope, of awe, and of some pain (due to some news from a close friend that I will not disclose to y’all…sorry). God is good. I’ve been stewing in my brokenness, sorrow, and pity for most of this summer thus far because nothing has worked out…then God tosses me a house. Yes, please! Thank You! It is, as always, more than I deserve. I might still have a chance to be a small group leader at my church for the coming year. Even the chance is more than I deserve! The fact I’m still living and breathing…yeah, more than I deserve. I get to talk to incoming freshmen about my AS experience, and while I’m beyond sad that it’s over and I miss the team I was part of this past year more than I can say, I get the opportunity to help others become excited about student government at Biola, which, after this past year’s struggles, is an absolute blessing. But I’m rambling on things that don’t have much to do with the song…

The part of the song that says, “And my prayers are wearing thin/I’m worn even before the day begins/I’ve lost my will to fight/So heaven come and flood my eyes” is basically where I’m at right now. I’m tired. I start my days without much of a will to do anything more than sit at my computer and play games all day. But heaven is starting to come into my life. Where there’s heaven there’s hope. So, hope, come flood my life. Passion, come flood my life. Zeal. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. Humility. Righteousness. Christlike-ness. All of that, come flood my life. In the good and bad times of life. In everything, be there.

God, bring me to You. Meet me here. You can leave me in these struggles I’m still facing, in the pain I’m feeling, but don’t leave me in it alone. And I know that You won’t. I’m dead inside, feeling like a white-washed tomb, but Your life can flow through me. Say, “Come forth!” and I will. Wake me from this slumber of listlessness, of sloth, greed, selfishness, conceit, sin. Let Your life flood mine and make me new.

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